Course You Can Malcolm

Course You Can Malcolm - other pre-match entertainment can’t hold a Roman Candle to it.

OK Guys. It’s the time of year where you can say ’guys’ a lot without being mistaken for a board member and at Malcomses this week we’re plotting to bring you guys fireworks that are anything but standard. With two brand- spanking new Manchester bands providing 44 minutes (we could stretch that to 45 just for the romantics) of music for your plesha + gorgeous food, gorgeous ale and gorgeous hosts it promises to be like an indoor bonfire such will be the warmth generated by all the good stuff on offer - all without the need for lifting anyone’s backyard gate.
If that Bury safety bloke is reading this we’re not really having an indoor Bonty, it’s just a metaphor for err...
Opening the set is DeLorean, who played their first gig last Saturday and you may recognise some of the lads from the match. In fact, the lead singer’s bro had a couple of games for FC in 2006/2007.

They’re followed by Ancoats based Midnight Mafia who have been gigging monthly since January - their sound is hard to pin down to one exact style and as sound consists of vibrations that travel through the air and then sensed by the ear it’s a bit hard to replicate those sensations with words on a web page, so it looks like you’ll have to turn up and taste via your ears. Have a listen while you’re getting ready for the match at www.myspace.com/midnightmafiaband - but don’t take your computer into the shower you div or you’ll be smelling and watching it burn while you listen at the same time as you touch yourself whilst tasting disappointment. Does that make sense?

ALSO
• Keep all your fireworks in a closed tin box!
• Never return to firework once it has been lit!
• Don’t put fireworks in your pockets!
• Never throw fireworks unless you see a member of the Glazer family!

As usual we have the unrivalled East Mancunian tater ash which makes similar regional variations such as scouse taste like burnt cat food

• Keep all pets indoors!

From regional we go national with the welcome return of Carrot Corner where you’ll find a delicious Bulgarian spicy veg casserole to keep that fire in your belly burning.

We’ve also the usual supply of low calorie* cheese & onion pies and for cake types we’ve the regular supermarket cupyou cakes - bring your own parkin. Knuckles the doorman has also promised to bring lots of treacle toffee to hand out - just ask him at the door on the way in whispering the secret password "ello treacle"?? into his cauliflower ear.

Oh and we have got some beer. All the regular fine ales are complimented by this week’s guest ale, all the way from Leek brewery - Tittesworth Tipple (I could but I won’t). It’s 6.5% and Blaine sez it’s a mid-strong golden amber hoppy beer, if Blaine’s wrong I don’t wanna be right. As if that’s not enough, we have a stunning pair of barwomen/agony aunts, possibly joined by a third if she can get up on time, to serve these liquid delights. A problem shared is a problem halved -drink and other predicaments are easily dealt with by Malcolm’s Angels overseen by our Bosley aka human rip-rap Faz.

So show your face Satdy. No one else is doing what we’re doing and every penny you fawke out guys, goes to our club.