CYCM. This is the way it can always be...

FC United of Manchester play Porkshop Town this Saturday. That’s Satriale’s place. He’s more than a captain and basically has a lot to do with the running of operations at that club so we’ll have to watch out for his cannolis and bada bing. Their team will definitely come out in new jerseys. We were going to go down the ‘Workshyfop Town’ route but fittingly just couldn’t summon up the energy.

11.59. The frilly-fronts turn up.
12.00 Doors open. Come rest awhile in your pub.
12.45 Adam Brown will be plodding about for an hour. It’s a week since the turmoil hit and it might be pertinent that in a low key, not-for-the-size-of-the-Prestwich-place, non-net access for non-net reds, open, democratic way that other questions might have sunk in. Adam will do another Q&A if the mood is relevant.
1.15 Straight Outta Crompton. See below.
1.45 Murrjy and his twin horrors. Bring some off fruit.
2.00 Louche FC. Manchester’s hotty hotster hotspurs. See below.
2.35. Twomowers’s ‘This team really is, no seerz, sheet.’
3.00 Shirts that remain untainted by sponsors because of our resolve take to the pitch.
3.01 Murrjy goes even redder.
3.45 A game of three halves. Discuss doing something nice after in town.
4.50 Go to town and do something nice.

TURNS…

This week is a week for the musically trendy folk at Course You Can Malcolm because this week we present to you Louche FC. Now it’s good enough for us that we have a band containing the letters ‘F’ and ‘C’ in their title. It stands for ‘Football Club’. That would be romantic enough for many but not only that Louche FC happen to be phenomenally trendy on the Manchester music scene. They are that underground, being-talked-about-in-all-the-right-music-circles-see-them-so-you-can-say-I-saw-them-before-they-were-famous type band that Manchester knocks out. We’ve seen them. They are megamintop and deserving of the bubbling hyperbole.

They are the darlings of CityLife. They are on the Salford-based and also highly rated SWAYS record label, a label that advocates the promotion of ‘wayward art rock’ and ‘Manchester naturism’. I may have made one of those last two facts up. We spoke to Kyoko, their female singer, in the first week of this year asking if they wanted to play. She said they were relaxing in January and practising in February. Fitting then that they are playing when we are playing Workshyfop Town. They possess that ‘Do not go to them, let them come to you, just like I do, just like I do’ approach to the musical world that CYCM admires. You’ll love them. Pampered again, that’s what you are.

STRAIGHT OUTTA CROMPTON…

We told you in last week’s preview what SOC was about. Basically if you have an odd red talent that you feel you can air for a minute or two in the quiet early period at Malcolmses then contact us at courseyoucanmalcolm@fc-utd.co.uk. No matter how odd, we will consider accommodating it. For example this week, in a change of song, young Ben from the Bay will be burping the line ‘It’s the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around’. That’s eleven burps, one for each FC United of Manchester player that will be taking to the pitch at 3 o’clock. With two microphones nearby I feel the place may sing along when that eleventh burp goes in. Contact us. You know you want to. If there is someone you know of that may be shy then just midnight-mass them up to us.

BEERS…

Blaine informs us:

‘With St Patrick’s Day approaching we’ve got Porterhouse Wrasslers Stout. 5.7%. Made to a recipe originally brewed by Deasy’s of west Cork in the early 1900s. A classic Irish stout. It doesn’t come with a promotional hat’.

I have no idea what that last line means. I can only presume he was lying like I was earlier and that it does come with a hat, be that a promotional one or not. Unless a promotional hat is like a play-off hat but rather more self-assured? I’m sure it will be nice as the lad’s palate has not let us down yet.

OTHER BITS OF BIZ…

* Following on from the success of the Dandelion and Burdock cake and the Henry Fjord pea and ham soup, the Norwegian Chef is this week doing pineapple cake. It’s been a flustery week, again I can only presume it’s a cake with pineapple involved. In conversation he did mention lemon juice. I thought that soup was a bit salty last week. Hold it, you could put your pineapple cake on Eyebrows’s vegan pizza and make a Hawaiian pizza-of-diabetic-death.
* In the light of the devastation felt by many at last week’s Ten Acres news we have just put together and are selling a DVD this week at CYCM. We’ve done 22 of them. It’s £2. It’s called ‘This is the way it can always be’. It’s a compilation of fantastic, footballing FC United of Manchester memories from this season. A fitting reminder that when we are low it is good women and men made this team so. We won’t be beat. It’ll be another £44 to the ground when you have bought them. Such a little thing but the difference it made was great.
* In a lovely little bit of a love-in, Andy from Revenge of the Psychotronic Man, the punk band who broke the bricks in Malcolmses a month or two back, has contacted us. They have organised an event in town on Saturday. They’ve asked us to put and we are proud to put:
‘Manchester’s non-profit punk and ska label TNS are putting on an all-day gig from 3pm till late lasties at Gullivers on Oldham Street on Saturday the 12th of March. Please head down after the FC United of Manchester game. CYCM’s favourites Revenge of the Psychotronic Man are on at 8pm. It’s going to be messy.’ I’m sure it will be.

And that’s about it. We know we say it every week but please try and get there early as last week was again packed and we were forced to go to one-in-one-out. The FC United of Manchester loving and ground-fundraising but-sometimes-very-adult-in-its-themes Web site www.afinelung.com this week got an email article from someone whom they didn’t know, going on about what CYCM meant to them. It was called ‘Malcolm magic.’ Go and give it a read and then after reading it consider your early arrival time on Saturday. The earlier you get there the earlier it becomes your pub. That’s your pub. Not a chain or a consortium or a major brewery but yours. With every penny you spend lovingly reinvested in the club we forged out of the Mancunian resilience of not to be taken advantage of. Together, as always, to the next three points.

Fraternally yours,

The CYCM Oddies.