CYCM 26/01/19 Two Beers, Resolution by Bobby the Buttoneer.

A new year, a fresh opportunity, the chance to tear it all up and start again.

You’re gonna start going to the gym aren’t you? Always fancied a six pack. You’re gonna be more organised an all, yeah?
Might as well start using that 2019 year planner you got from Beth in Marketing for Secret Santa. And you’re gonna stop with the same old routines, right? Change the walk to work every morning, cos the unidentified whiff from the shops at the end of Newton Street knocks you sick and puts you off your morning Nature Valley bar (Is it Go Falafel or Empire exchange?
How can it smell that bad at 6am?).

But then why should you change? You’ve got a personality, what would you need muscles for? You’re already organised as it is.
Come to think of it, she was being passive aggressive with that prezzie anyway. You forgot to reply to one email in March and suddenly you’re ‘disorganised’? Nah, forget that, sling it in the bin. And anyway, that way’s the quickest route to the met. It says so on Google Maps.

Have the extra two minutes in bed and just hold your breath (breathing through your mouth won’t work; you’ll just be able to taste it). You’re sound the way you are. Your only resolution should be to keep things as they are.
Come the football on Saturday as usual. Come early and come to Malcolms. You know where you are with us. We’ll see you right, like we always do.

Have a look:
11:00 The Oddies Arrive: Armed with a roll of Duct tape and a sense of optimism, the Oddies will be ready to set up. Rumours that they’re arriving early to bring a fridge downstairs, only to take it back up again for nostalgia’s sake, are as yet unconfirmed.

12:00 Doors Open: Throw those red doors wide, one day like this a month’d see us right

1.10: Q&A with Dave Chadwick

1.50: Quiz by George Irwell

2:15 Dirty Laces: Manchester Rock ‘N’ Roll Five Piece

3:00 Der, der, der, United Football: Who knows which United’s gonna turn up this week?
Hopefully it’s FC United and hopefully the opponents are Stockport, otherwise we’re away this weekend and Malcolms has been booked by mistake.

Dirty Laces
Formed in 2017, the Malcolms debutants have been described as “Thriving and raucous” and “punk inspired”, which makes them a perfect fit for Broadhurst Park.
Dave Sweetmore from the Evening News gives them his seal of approval, saying “Dirty Laces have it all, everything you want in a band, and I honestly believe that the rock ‘n’ roll world is theirs for the taking” and with praise like that, it’s easy to see why they played a sold out gig at The Castle Hotel towards the back end of last year.

The Laces are set to release new single, Moving Pictures, on the 11th March, as well as embarking on a 5 night tour of the South Coast, before playing a homecoming gig at The Night & Day in Town.
Lucky for us, Charlie (Vocals), Luke (Guitars), Tom (Bass), Jacob (Guitars / BV’s) and Luke O’R (Drums) will be giving us a taster of this for absolute naff all on the famous Malcolms’ stage. We’re looking forward to this more than Franny Lee looks forward to a Greggs (and if you are too, have a look here at their Facebook page).

As well as all this goodness, there’ll be the usual sustenance-based offerings: meat-free scran courtesy of Vegan Ronay (aka Pete), tater ash and cheese and onion pies courtesy of Westwells, and booze and soft drinks courtesy of the lovely folk who man and wo-man the bars every week. It’s a top quality nosebag you won’t get elsewhere….

So come on down and see us. We haven’t changed. We’re Malcolms and Malcolms we shall stay. Besides, there’s that famous quote from Jean-Baptiste Alphonse which says “The more things change, the more they stay the same” (it sounds better in French). So what’s the point in resisting?
Come and slip into us like an old pair of trackies. We’ll keep you warm and cosy, away from those January blues.

Just so you know: if you come looking for us in the St. Mary’s Road End, then, well, you’re in the right place, because that’s our permanent gaff, now. Just head to the turnstiles and make your way about two-thirds down the SMRE. You can’t really miss us as we have a big, dock off stage for a start and there’s usually someone with a clipboard and microphone, looking bewildered.

And as always: entrance to CYCM is completely freemans, with the usual rules applying: no divviness, nuclear weapons or shouting “Who is at the wheel?” before launching into a rendition of Waterfall. Refugees welcome.