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CYCM: There is a season turn, turn, turn...

In the deluge of glumness that besieged us last Friday we’ve still managed as a club and fans to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative and latch on to the affirmative.

In that same spirit the CYCM Elite Development Squodd is reminding Reds of something that might have got lost within last Friday’s maelstrom. That is, prospective two-minute turns from within our Red ranks volunteering to parade their respective ‘special skills’ cough for the benefit of the earlier crowd at Malcolmses. See the clipping below from last Friday’s Loop Aznavour preview.

If you think you have something to contribute to ’Sraight outta Crompton’ please contact us at courseyoucanmalcolm@fc-utd.co.uk and help fill the rest of March with frivolity until that new ground is announced.

For example one of the two-minute turns this week we find that the youth are showing the way again. Eight year old Ben from the Bay is going to burp ‘All I know is Glazer is gonna die’. He can’t promise that there will not be any sick burps. Together, as always, to the next three points.

Anyway here’s the clipping from last Friday that you may have missed…


Just when you think you can’t dislike computers anymore you realise that they allow the spell check of ‘Mum’ but consider ‘Mam’ a touch too Mancunian. The plugged-in nincompoops are discriminating against our inner city. What’s not discriminatory is the equal-opportunity-employer-type-employer that is the Oddies at CYCM.

To reward the early arrivals at Malcolmses we are starting a bit of a new thing. I say ‘reward’ with the loosest, loosest of meaning. We are starting something called ‘Straight Outta Crompton’. Following an Oddies meeting at the Greenroom in town it was decided that, after Tommy O’Neil’s ‘talking FA Cup dog’ performance earlier in the season, that it was about that time again we trawled the wiffy depths of our membership to try to find some ‘special’, cough, gift amongst this distinctly iffy branch of humanity.

For example, if you can bend a balloon into a ‘3’ and then another balloon into a ‘5’ then put them together then we think that that’d be deserving of the diddy slot that is, and may well become ‘Straight outta Crompton.’ Another example might be there was a lad at our school who could suck his own…we’ll leave it there so as to get past Lindsey, who as well as doing all the other club stuff has to censor these CYCM missives.

Please email courseyoucanmalcolm@fc-utd.co.uk if you think you’re up for a minute or two up in front of a very warming and welcoming crowd at a very early and quieter stage of proceedings. Please contact us. Go on. Seerz, go on, you’ll be great.

I for example, to show how low we are setting the standards, will be doing my impression of a dripping tap. I’m really quite good at it. It’s definitely a dripping tap into a Belfast sink rather than a stainless steel one so it’s a bit limited but it’s a start.

My two cousins are there so there may well be a rendition of ‘There was a girl from Stockport’ by the ‘Once, twice, three times a Brady’ vocal trio accompanied by the table piano and Karen performing live for the first time on the bodhran. You know the dance and you know you can do better. The spell check also doesn’t like ‘Bodhran’ which shows it’s got an anti-gaelic nature in it as well if you consider it too deeply. Anyway, the proper turns…

So go on, help lift your club up with cheeriness in the face of adversity. Contact us, we’ll take you through it nice and gently…

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First Posted ~ 15:54 Thu 10 Mar 2011
News ID ~ 3467
Last Updated ~ 15:54 Thu 10 Mar 2011