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CYCM: Adult DVDs for sale...

Always Timney-topical, the woof-bark-donkey puddle-kickers at ’Course You Can Malcolm’ are at last bringing their DVD out this Saturday whilst everyone will be drinking from the North Ferriby cup. Anyone who gets into the Youth United Day for free is obviously under 18, so therefore will not be able to buy it, as we got a bit of rum and we got a bit of turkey and we put them together. Oi Polloi on Tib Street has a logo of ’Genius steals’. Steal our DVD and you’ll get a crack. Firm but unfair, sorry youngsters. The above shop also says ’Talent borrows’. No it doesn’t, it buys its own. Why? Well"¦

The DVD is about the first rumbustious season of ’Course You Can Malcolm’. It’s officially unofficial but with every single penny of every single DVD going to club funds. You wouldn’t buy a pair of grubbies and let your mate borrow them, so don’t let your mate borrow this. Buy it for yourselves and watch the club grow in size by them precious few extra pounds. It’s documentary evidence of a very small, but valid, part of this beautiful football club that we created and lovingly own.

We’d like to say the reason we took so long to get the DVD out was because we are such meticulous, professional artists with high, idealistic visions and ideals. The reality is that we’re just a bit biz. It also took us ages to stop calling it a video. We didn’t want it to be Hadjuk Split though, so we did ponder and pore over it. And just when you thought it impossible to ponder and pore any more, we’d ponder and pore some more. On golden ponder. With ’Nnnorman’ scoring in ’85. We did endlessly long hours in front of technology we didn’t understand. Technology that knew we were dim and so it took us round the corner whenever it could, just because it could. We don’t think we took a second prize off it in the end. We gave it the electrical good hiding it deserved.

We walked the flags of Manchester over the months of last summer, taking more than a thousand photographs of the city we love. We have cut them down to small amounts but each one meant something. Sometimes obvious, sometimes cute, sometimes just because they are part of us. It wasn’t possible to write down on the DVD what they meant but we hope you understand. And all you have to do is ask if you ever want to know.

From September 2007 to April 2008 we filmed Malcolmses showing all the unsigned Manchester bands, poets, comedians, Duff rambles, book launches, authors, theatre companies, belly dancers, gameshows, Munich remembered, Murjjy being abused, Walshy being abused, Adam Browny being abused, Andy Daviesy being abused, Oche Youth being abused, city being abused, guests from Wigan being abused, Liz from behind the bar being abused, the Yorkshire lot being abused plus many more are there. On reflection it does look as if everyone was just ribbing everyone but really it tries its politest to depict the perkiness, pots-for-ragness, tenderness and care that besets the place.

And you’re bound to have your dial on there if you came in. We were tempted to heavily pixelate as there really are some ugly gets amongst you who really should consider standing backwards a bit more often. If you didn’t go in Malcolmses due to our landlord’s strict no-changing-stands policy then now is your chance to have a nosey. And plump up the club’s cough-ridden coffers. Aww, go on.

We’ve done four different front covers for you to choose from, as all four were such great Manchester pictures we couldn’t decide which was best. We’ll let you choose your favourite. The video itself is United-versus-Sheffield-Wednesday-in-1993 in length. We priced it at £7.50 as that is what we democratically decided, as members, to pay to get into the ground to see FC United of Manchester. Although in conversation with Walshybobblesbonbon he did say we’d done it too cheap for all the work that Reds had put in to it and therefore suggested a donation price of a tenner.

He’s right, however wedged of spirit and spunk, we are a monetarily poor club and we do need to build. And it’s a lovely product. And it’s in a box and everything that can go on your shelf. And we’re the only football club in the world consistently putting on such a venue. That’s the world. Unique then. Just that little something more, to be just that little something more proud of. Also I’m not going to argue with Mr Walsh as speckies are always cleverer than us. It’ll be on sale outside the ground on Saturday, inside the ground, at Malcolmses, in the club shop and on the club Web site.

This Saturday at CYCM the band are from Moston and are called The Number. They used to be the highly acclaimed Kn9ghts. Continuing the one-twelve theme Moston Active Drama are acting out a bit from their forthcoming production ’Angels with Manky Faces’ at half time. Dave Chodwick is doing a questions and answers thingy at half one so come and do the blue. All the usual guest beers and goodies are there. Get there early. Don’t get Albert Tatlocked out. Usual rules and conditions, that we’ve written a thousand times before, apply. April lovers, together, as always, to the next three play-off points.

Fraternally yours,

The CYCM odd carriers xx

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First Posted ~ 09:41 Fri 3 Apr 2009
News ID ~ 2178
Last Updated ~ 12:56 Mon 21 May 2018